


Parental Differences

by affectionatelyyyy



Category: Ghosts of the Shadow Market Series - Sarah Rees Brennan & Cassandra Clare & Kelly Link, The Dark Artifices Series - Cassandra Clare, The Shadowhunter Chronicles - All Media Types
Genre: Carstairs family bonding!!, Gen, Kit needs love and Jem and Tessa are giving it to him, and Jem being the best dad ever, by the end of the fic there's a LOT of fluff though, the first part is all angst
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-07-21
Updated: 2020-07-21
Packaged: 2021-03-04 19:07:45
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,956
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/25431358
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/affectionatelyyyy/pseuds/affectionatelyyyy
Summary: “I wanted to know everything,” Kit whispered. “Her favorite color, her relationship with her parents, whether she liked the movies as much as I did or not. When I was little I used to daydream about her coming to get me, and the three of us would live in a cozy house with a garden big enough for the family dog. I would go to school and make lots of friends, and she and my dad would have actual jobs that weren’t illegal. She would cook, and we’d talk while eating dinner together every night.” Kit swallowed, and Jem didn’t comment on the way his voice cracked. “I imagined that we would be together, and happy. I think that was the most unrealistic part.”---Or, the different ways that Johnny Rook and Jem Carstairs care about Kit and handle the topic of his mother Rosemary. Jem is a loving dad, and he wants to make sure to remind Kit he cares about him whenever he can.
Relationships: Background Jem Carstairs/Tessa Gray, Jem Carstairs & Kit Rook, Tessa Gray & Kit Rook
Comments: 7
Kudos: 64





	Parental Differences

**Author's Note:**

> A big thank you to the friends that encouraged me while I was writing this, you are much appreciated!! Here's some Kit and Carstairs family content :)

Johnny Rook knew that his son was a curious boy. Kit was always eager to learn something new, and he paid attention to every little fact that Johnny told him about the shadow world. Kit was curious, but he also knew that his father was a criminal and there were some questions you just didn’t ask.

Well, Kit didn’t ask  _ most _ of them. Sometimes, he couldn’t contain himself.

Johnny had been counting money he’d received from his most recent deal when he first heard Kit’s voice. “Dad?” Kit started, and Johnny looked towards his son. They were both sitting at the table Johnny sometimes used for business, and Kit had been practicing shuffling cards. The deck laid on the table, all gathered together in a neat little stack. “I was thinking about it, but don’t you think I’m old enough to know who my mom is now?”

The question shot a sharp pang down Johnny’s chest. It had been several years since he’d last seen Rosemary, several years since she had left him to try and keep Kit’s true identity a secret. It was a long time, but Johnny had never forgotten - _ could not _ forget- the love of his life. He could still remember the floral perfume she used to wear, the pitter-patter of her feet when they walked down the boardwalk in sandals, the way she’d smile every time he told her that he was sure it was going to rain. Johnny still loved her, but he knew that she would never come back to him. Rosemary didn’t want her son in danger.

“It doesn’t matter,” Johnny said, turning back to look at the money in his hand. “She was no one important.”

Kit sounded annoyed. “You say that every time, and I stop asking about her, but don’t you think I should know? There are so many questions I’ve always wanted to know the answers to but never asked. How did you meet her? Does she look like me? What was she like? Is she dead? What happened to her?”

Johnny couldn’t help the bitterness that arose. He grit his teeth as he watched Kit stand up and cross his arms, leaving his deck of cards on the table. “I told you it’s  _ not important. _ It’s none of your business.”

“What do you mean it’s not my business?! She was  _ my _ mom!”

“Oh, she was your  _ mom _ ?!” Johnny shot up from his chair, locking eyes with Kit. The money fell to the floor and lay there forgotten. “Well she was also-”

Despite his anger, he knew that telling Kit anything even resembling the truth would only endanger him --endanger the boy that Rosemary left to protect. He knew Kit wasn’t at fault for wanting to know about his mom, but there was a pesky little voice inside Johnny’s head that liked to remind him Kit was the reason Rosemary had left in the first place. 

Johnny thought he heard the door open in the background, but he ignored it. “I don’t remember.” he said, trying to calm down so he wouldn’t say something he’d regret.

“Bullshit,” Kit said, and Johnny didn’t even bother to reprimand him for cursing. “You’re lying. You  _ always _ lie. You’ve lied a thousand times, to both your “customers” and to me, and you’ll lie a thousand more. Can’t you just tell the truth this  _ one _ time?” Kit’s voice cracked, and Johnny ignored the desperation. Kit’s eyes seemed to be screaming.  _ Please, _ they said.  _ Please.  _

Kit looked too much like Rosemary.

“Fine,” he spat out. If Kit wanted a story, he’d get a story. “You want to know the truth? I’ll tell you the truth. I met her when I was gambling in Vegas, where we slept together once and she became pregnant with you. She stuck around until the birth, left you with me, and I never saw her again.” Johnny could feel the anger and frustration he’d built up over the years coming out in the bitterness of his words, the sharpness of his lies, but he couldn’t stop. A voice called out his name, seeming to come from far away. “The truth is that the woman who gave birth to you was a Vegas showgirl who left the second she could because she couldn’t stand the  _ sight _ of you!”

The world slowly came back into focus, and all Johnny saw was Kit. Kit, whose hands were in fists, shaking. His face was scrunched up in anger, but his eyes were suspiciously bright and Johnny could tell that he was trying not to cry. Johnny let out a long breath, and unclenched his hands while trying to release the tension in his shoulders. “Kit,” he tried, but Kit just turned on his heels and stormed out of the room.

“Johnny Rook,” the voice from earlier called, and Johnny turned around to see Hypatia Vex. The warlock crossed her arms, and the hardness in her eyes was unmistakable. “I came here to ask about an object you’d had out front yesterday. I heard voices shouting, and the door was unlocked.”

Johnny tried not to feel embarrassed at what she’d seen, and ignored the sudden dryness of his mouth. “What are you willing to pay for it?”

Hypatia laughed a short, humorless laugh. “Of course you’d try to make a business deal after all that. You disgust me.”

He gave her a look. “Listen lady, you either want something or you don’t. My boy is none of your business.”

Hypatia raised an eyebrow, giving him a look back, and he had the feeling that she was inwardly cursing at him. “When you started yelling loud enough to be heard outside you made it my business. Now I want you to listen, and to listen good. I see a lot around here, and there isn’t much I don’t know. You might be one of the sleaziest mundanes I’ve ever met -if you even  _ are _ a mundane- but that kid of yours is alright. More importantly, he’s ten years old.”

“I’m protecting him,” Johnny hissed, irritated at this warlock woman who acted as if she had any right to judge him and how he talked to his son. She knew nothing about the situation they were in. “He’ll get it when he’s older.”

“Telling your son that his mother was a showgirl who didn’t love him is not protecting him.” Hypatia shot back.

Johnny glared at her. “Do you want your object or not?” 

Hypatia pursed her lips, and looked at him for what felt like a long time. “If you go apologize to your son, and tell him you love him, we’ll do a deal.” 

“Fine,” Johnny said, and resisted the urge to roll his eyes and knock something over as he turned and went into the next room. He admitted he might have been too harsh, and said a little too much, but Kit was a tough kid. He would forget about it anyway, but it was probably for the best to check up on him. 

Johnny closed the door behind him, and saw Kit curled up in a chair by the one window. “Kit,” Johnny said, but Kit’s gaze stayed on the world outside. “Kit, you know I didn’t mean it.” He reached over to ruffle Kit’s hair in a rare act of affection, but Kit tilted his head away.

“Why did you say that then?” Kit asked, his voice steady but lacking emotion.

Johnny wasn’t sure how to respond to that. “I… I shouldn’t have said it, Kit. I was just frustrated, since I didn’t want to talk about it.” He sighed. “Things like this are complicated.” 

Kit shifted, and glanced at him out of the corner of his eyes. “Is it true?” Kit asked, then cringed as if he’d regretted asking at all.

If Johnny were a more affectionate person, he would’ve hugged Kit, but he wasn’t so he didn’t. That side of him was reserved for Rosemary.  _ He has her eyes, _ he thought, but it caused him to step back rather than get closer. “It doesn’t matter if it’s true or not, Kit. Just don’t ask again.”

Kit made an expression Johnny couldn’t recognize, and the boy quickly went back to looking out the window. “Ok,” he said.

Johnny brushed non-existent dust off his pants before turning around and walking to the door. He remembered the money that he had left on the floor, and hoped that the warlock hadn’t tried to steal from him before he could pick it all up. “I have to go do a deal with Hypatia Vex, so stay here.”

“Aren’t you forgetting something?” Kit asked, and Johnny blinked before giving his son a quick glance.

“And what is that?”

Kit sighed, and moved his head back towards the window. “Nothing,” he mumbled. “Never mind.”

“I’ll tell you when you can come back out.” Johnny told him before opening the door to leave. He thought about the money he’d left on the ground, and hoped the warlock woman hadn’t messed with it in any way.

“Fine.”

Johnny walked through the door and didn’t look back. 

* * *

It wasn’t something that Jem was concerned about at first.

Kit was a smart kid, and he was good at playing off his thoughts and feelings. Jem and Tessa had gotten him to open up more in the past year since he’d joined their family, and Jem was extremely grateful. He never asked what went down with the Blackthorns, and Kit never brought it up. Jem and Tessa had mentioned Ty Blackthorn briefly, once. Kit had flinched, and looked so unbearably sad that Jem didn’t have the heart to ever do it again. 

In addition to the Blackthorns, there was one thing Kit never seemed to talk about: Rosemary Herondale. 

Not that Jem hadn’t tried. In the beginning, Jem thought that Kit must be curious and just not had any opportunities to talk about her yet. Jem had brought her up at breakfast one morning, and for a while it had gone well. Kit talked about a lullaby he vaguely remembered, and hummed a bit while pretending not to be embarrassed. Jem had then asked what Johnny Rook had told Kit about Rosemary, and Kit had shut down. The smile on his face disappeared as quickly as it came. Jem had been trying to figure out the best way of asking what he said wrong when Tessa had come back from the market, and the conversation topic was quickly changed.

Since then, both Jem and Tessa had tried to bring Rosemary up, only to have Kit look pained or like he wanted to leave. He and Tessa had discussed it, and they decided that if Kit didn’t want to talk about his mom then they wouldn’t push. Instead, they’d let Kit come to them once he felt comfortable enough. 

It was a typical afternoon at Cirenworth when something finally changed. Jem just came back from getting groceries, and they were having a simple lunch as a family. Mina sat with Tessa, who had finished her own lunch and was enjoying watching everyone else eat.  _ Family _ , Jem thought, and couldn’t help but smile.  _ My family _ . It wasn’t too long ago when Jem thought that he’d never get to have a life like this. 

Kit laughed at something Tessa said, then nearly choked on the bagel he’d been eating. Tessa patted his back with one hand while holding her sandwich with the other, and Kit took a sip of his soda before holding his bagel out in front of him. “This bagel tried to kill me,” Kit announced, making a show of glancing suspiciously at it.

Tessa gave him a fond look. “Maybe it was trying to warn you about talking and eating at the same time.” 

“Maybe,” Kit said, shaking the bagel then squinting at it, as if it were under interrogation. “We’ll see.”

Mina smiled widely at this, and Jem felt like the luckiest man in the world. His beautiful daughter was having fun, and the love of his life was smiling and joking around with their precious s --with Kit. Kit, who came into their lives like a blessing, and who Jem loved more with every passing day. Jem caught Tessa’s eye from across the table, and her eyes softened as she reached down to hold Mina’s hand. Jem couldn’t resist the urge to lean over the table to kiss Mina on the cheek. She was so beautiful, their daughter. 

Kit made another joke about his bagel before finishing it. Jem started a sandwich of his own, but couldn’t help staring at his family. He was feeling particularly sentimental today. 

He and Kit made eye contact, and Jem smiled at him. It seemed he couldn’t stop smiling today. Kit raised an eyebrow. “What?” 

After over a century of having his emotions and feelings dulled, Jem wasn’t in the habit of hiding his affection. “Nothing is wrong. I’m just so incredibly happy to know and love both of you.”

Mina giggled as if on cue. Jem turned away to look at her, nearly missing Kit’s shocked expression. Jem lightly tapped Mina on the nose before sinking back into his chair. “Including you of course, Mina mine.”

Jem glanced at Tessa, who was smiling so sweetly at him that he fell in love all over again. Her eyes flickered to Kit, and Jem looked over as well. Kit’s face had some fading redness, but it was his eyes that held Jem’s attention. Kit looked unsure, like he was trying to make sense of something confusing. He glanced at Jem for a minute, mouth closed tightly shut, before he hesitantly opened it and took a breath.

“I don’t get how you can say things like that,” Kit finally said, and he sounded so relieved once he said it that Jem wondered how long Kit had wanted to ask him that. 

Kit’s fingers lightly tapped against the table, and he shifted in his seat. Despite his nerves, Kit refused to break eye contact. Jem admired him for it. 

“It’s the truth,” Jem told him gently. “And there’s nothing wrong showing affection to those you care about.”

Kit frowned and moved his gaze to the table. “My dad wasn’t like that.”

Jem knew that it was rare for Kit to bring up Johnny Rook, aside from the occasional comment about something he’d taught him, and he and Tessa shared a look. They were both happy about Kit opening up more, as he’d been doing since Jem had agreed to train him. Whenever Kit brought up something from the past, they both knew to give him time to get his thoughts together. 

“I’m sure he loved you,” Jem couldn’t help but say, remembering what Kit had said the last time he talked about how he felt about his father. 

Kit scoffed at that. “Yeah, right. Once, when I was ten…” Kit trailed off, and clenched a napkin that was on the table. Jem waited patiently. “We got into an argument once, about my mom.”

Jem tried not to let his surprise show, lest Kit change his mind about talking to them. He and Tessa had gradually noticed that Kit didn’t like to talk about Rosemary, but they didn’t know why. Jem hadn’t expected Kit to be the one to bring her up.

Mina chose that moment to start crying. Before Kit or Jem could say anything, Tessa swept Mina up in her arms and got up to leave the room. “Mina-” Jem started, but Tessa shook her head. 

“She just needs her nap,” she said, then paused by Kit on her way out. “I’ll make sure to listen to your story when I get back.” Tessa ruffled his hair, and then both she and Mina were gone.

“I’d like to hear your story,” Jem said, hopefully before Kit regretted speaking up in the first place.

“Of course you do,” Kit replied, smiling although his heart wasn’t in it. “My stories are always fantastic! I’m a great storyteller.”

“You are,” Jem agreed good-naturedly, and tried not to laugh at the look Kit gave him. 

“Anyway,” Kit started, clearing his throat. “When I was ten, my dad and I got into an argument about who my mom was. I wanted to know her name, how they met, what happened to her..” Kit trailed off again, staring at the wall with a faraway look in his eyes.

Jem wondered what had happened, that Kit had been so curious but now always tried to avoid the topic. 

“I wanted to know everything,” Kit whispered. “Her favorite color, her relationship with her parents, whether she liked the movies as much as I did or not. When I was little I used to daydream about her coming to get me, and the three of us would live in a cozy house with a garden big enough for the family dog. I would go to school and make lots of friends, and she and my dad would have actual jobs that weren’t illegal. She would cook, and we’d talk while eating dinner together every night.” Kit swallowed, and Jem didn’t comment on the way his voice cracked. “I imagined that we would be together, and happy. I think that was the most unrealistic part.”

Kit took a minute to collect himself, and Jem’s mind went back to when his parabatai was still alive and believed he was cursed. Jem had never known the reason until afterwards, but he’d seen Will purposely push away everyone that got close. Jem had watched as the other half of his soul had suffered, unable to help but wishing with all his might that whatever was hurting him would cease. Jem had felt powerless, then. This time, Jem would do all that he could for Kit. As Kit opened his mouth once more, Jem thought about Herondales and their tendency to suffer in silence. 

“So when I was ten I asked my dad about my mom one too many times I guess, and we got into a fight. I was so mad that he refused to talk about her and finally demanded answers, but he became annoyed that I wouldn’t let it go. He told me -ha. He told me that she was a Vegas showgirl, some woman from a one-night stand that dropped me off the second I was born because she didn’t want…” Kit laughed bitterly, and his gaze stayed focused on the wall ahead of him. “Well, you get the picture.”

There was another pause and Jem opened his mouth to speak, but Kit beat him to it. 

“And you know what? Sure, it sucked to hear that, but I’m not even upset over it anymore. Who knows, maybe he thought it was the best way to get me to stop looking into her, in case I found out the truth and put myself in danger.” Kit seemed fired up now, and took a breath before continuing. “A warlock came in and I stormed out, but I heard them talking about me and decided to eavesdrop.

“She scolded him --she actually  _ scolded him _ , and told him that he should apologize and make sure to tell me that he loved me. That she wouldn’t do a deal unless he’d do it. And you-” Kit’s head swerved towards Jem, and Jem could see the angry tears forming on Kit’s face. Jem felt like tearing up, himself. “You remember what I said, about how maybe he didn’t love me at all?”

Jem could only nod. 

Kit was seething now, and his eyes hardened while the tears fell. “Well he went into that room and he did  _ neither _ . He didn’t apologize, he didn’t say I love you, he just --he just said that he didn’t mean it and that it was complicated. Then he walked out. My own father couldn’t even bring himself to tell me he loved me, but I’m supposed to believe some woman who barely knew me cared about me enough to die trying to protect me?! That’s crazy.  _ That’s crazy!” _

“Kit.” Jem called out, reaching for the boy who looked to be on the edge of hysteria. Kit was trembling, and Jem put a hand over Kit’s shaking ones. Kit reached up to try to wipe the tears off his face, but Jem stopped him. 

“It’s okay,” he said gently, his grip firm but careful. “It’s okay to cry, to show emotion. I love you, Kit. I’m here, and I’m listening to what you have to say. Tessa and I, we both care about you so very much.”

Kit held onto Jem’s hand like a lifeline, and Jem took the time to sort out his emotions. He loved Kit, that was an indisputable fact. Tessa also loved Kit, and they both knew that Rosemary had loved her son more than anything. However, Jem never knew how to feel about Johnny Rook. Johnny had raised Kit for 15 years and that had to count for something, but Jem got the impression he wasn’t the most loving person.

Jem couldn’t understand how anybody wouldn’t love Kit. If Johnny Rook didn’t love his son, then there must have been something wrong with the man. Johnny must have loved Kit in his own way, this Jem knew. The only other option was impossible. 

His thoughts were interrupted by Kit hugging him, which was a pleasant and welcome surprise. Jem hugged back immediately, holding him tightly. Jem tried to tell Kit he cared about him as much as possible, to make up for the lack of it growing up. He hoped one day Kit would truly believe it. 

Kit pulled back, and scrunched up his face before wiping at it. He then hesitantly looked at Jem. “Did he really love me? Like, you and Tessa aren’t just making it up to make me feel better? Because that would be kind of a jerk move.”

“She did,” a voice promised, and both Kit and Jem turned to see Tessa standing by the doorway. She was smiling, despite her watery eyes. Jem could tell by the look on Kit’s face that he was trying to figure out how long Tessa had been standing there. Tessa’s eyes didn’t waver from Kit’s, and Jem knew she must have been there for a while. 

“You barely knew her,” Kit pointed out, his voice hoarse. 

Tessa quietly walked over to Kit and put a hand on his shoulder. “I did,” she said, her face earnest. “When I change into someone, a part of themselves is shared with me. Some of their memories, and some of their thoughts and feelings. The day you were born was the happiest day of her life. When “mama” was your first word, she nearly cried out of joy. Leaving to ensure your safety broke her heart, and she thought about you all the time while she was away. She’d often hum a lullaby that she used to sing to you, because it made her feel closer to you every time she did it.” 

Kit’s eyes were tearing up again, and Jem tightened his grip on the boy’s hand.

“When she died,” Tessa started carefully, only continuing when Kit showed no negative reaction. “All she could think about was you. She wanted to make sure you were safe. She loved you more than anything, Kit.”

With that, Tessa leaned down and wrapped her arms around Kit. Jem joined in soon after, Kit holding onto them both. Jem felt a rush of affection for his family, and thought about how lucky he was to have them here with him.

“You guys sure are huggers,” Kit mumbled into the hug, and Jem laughed. 

He wouldn’t want Kit any other way.

**Author's Note:**

> Please leave a comment and tell me what you think!


End file.
